When we expect change to happen as a result of will-power naturally it looks like a good idea to choose a day on the calendar to begin making that change. But, really, change happens via insight, and that can happen any day of the year.
- Welcome to 2024
- The admirable motivation behind New Year’s Resolutions
- The two things we can do instead of setting New Year’s Resolutions
- What actually creates lasting change
Transcript of this episode
Hello explorers, and welcome to episode 46 of Unbroken. I’m Alexandra Amor.
If you’re listening to this on the day it goes out, it’s going out on New Year’s Day 2024. So welcome to a new year. I don’t know about you, but at this point, I’m usually ready for the holidays to be over, I have to say. I just really like getting back to some sort of semblance of normalcy.
I do kind of enjoy the holidays. There’s a bit of baggage there that I won’t talk about now. But you know, it’s different. I travel a little bit and I go and see friends. And it’s nice to be doing some different things and going out for meals and doing whatever it is we do. For some of you that will be getting together with family and that kind of thing. And then I’m kind of glad when the chaos is over.
Today, it’ll be New Year’s Day as you’re listening to this, and I’m probably going to have a pretty quiet day, I like to have a quiet New Year’s Day. So I hope you’re doing whatever makes you happy as well.
Let’s talk about why New Year’s resolutions are BS.
Before I jump into that, I just want to give a quick caveat. And say that there’s nothing wrong with goal setting. There’s nothing wrong with dreams and goals and all that kind of stuff. I personally am someone who loves lists. I always have lists on my desk of things I like to accomplish. And I feel really good when I’m able to highlight them that they’re done. That’s my method of dealing with lists of to dos. And it’s good to have goals and didn’t have things that we want to accomplish in life.
So everything I’m about to say is not to disparage that kind of dreaming and goal setting and all that kind of stuff.
There’s a reason that New Year’s resolutions are BS, according to me. And it’s because of the way that we go about them.
When we make a New Year’s resolution, and let’s be honest, they’re so often around weight loss and exercise, aren’t they? Those are the articles that we see in the media that we see on the television, morning programs and all that kind of thing. It’s about making a newer, better you and that you can start that on New Year’s Day.
I’m going to go back to the iceberg metaphor in order to illustrate this. I shared that metaphor in Episode 44, which was a couple of weeks ago. New Year’s resolutions are like the ice pick on that iceberg.
The way that we go about making new year’s resolutions and trying to change has that real ice pick kind of approach. And it’s that that we’re mistaken about. That the ice pick is what creates change, that we can choose this arbitrary day on a calendar. And really it is quite arbitrary. And decide that on that day, everything is going to change and somehow things will be completely different.
And of course, it doesn’t work. And that’s why the media has the articles every year at the end of December, about making new year’s resolutions and changing our lives for the better. If New Year’s resolutions really worked, then they would work, we wouldn’t have to go through the same sort of repetition about strategies and ways to make your resolution stick if they actually worked.
I want to say that I love what is motivating New Year’s resolutions.
And that is that we’re trying to do better, of course, and we’re trying to feel better about ourselves. And we’re trying to change ourselves in ways that we feel and very often are about our health and our well being. We’re trying to take better care of ourselves. So that of course is really positive. I love what’s behind the New Year’s resolutions. It’s just that the resolutions themselves are what is BS.
So rather than setting ourselves up for failure, this New Year’s Day 2024, what if we approached change in a slightly different way?
So what I’d like us to do is two things. One, is look in a slightly different direction. And that’s what you’re doing by listening to this podcast. You are exploring and exposing yourself to this inside out understanding, and you’re wanting to see the impact that insight can have on change, rather than the ice pick method. You are wanting to understand how you can raise the temperature of the water around the iceberg, rather than getting up there with your ice pick. I love that for you.
The second thing that I want to give us space to do is to trust. This is a little woowoo, which is fine, I’m comfortable with it, I hope you are, is to trust that the universe has our backs. The reason I say this is that when we’re taking this inside out approach to change, we’re not in control of the speed with which that happens.
If you’ve listened to previous Q&A episodes, on Mondays, you’ve heard me talking about being in the back of the spiral.
And remembering and taking this inside out approach at the beginning of a new year, when everyone else around you maybe not everyone, but people around you could be taking the ice pick approach and setting out rules and structure for themselves about joining the gym or starting a new diet or cutting out certain foods as of January 1, or whatever it is. It can take some courage to instead, stick with an approach that is a little less obvious, a little less overt, a little less measurable.
I don’t have control over that. It takes courage for all of us to really commit to this approach – if it feels like the right thing for you to do – and to lean into the fact that the universe is a kind one, and that it wants us to be at peace. It wants us to connect with our innate well being, and resilience and wholeness. And the love and peace that we are made of that is our natural state of being.
If someone has started a new diet or cut out certain foods, it’s so easy to see that it’s so delineated. And what you might be doing instead is trusting the wisdom that’s within you at all times, and knowing that it will lead you forward, even if someone from the outside can’t measure it, or track it, or write it down on a chart and show you that things are changing, and that you’re making progress.
So given all of that, what I wanted to share is that and I hope this is encouraging that in New Year’s days in the past, of course, I’ve taken the ice pick approach and have made up new rules for myself to follow. And, and throughout the year, not just on New Year’s Day, taking the outside-in approach and starting a new diet or whatever. What I can tell you for sure is that they never worked. And the only time in my life when I’ve seen actual change when I’ve become more peaceful within myself. And when things got easier and when I’ve seen habits of mine over eating habits of mine actually fall away. Because that iceberg is melting is when I have been exploring this understanding.
For 30 years, I tried the outside in approach, it didn’t work, I kept going back to it as we do innocently, because we’re doing the very best we can, with what we know at the time. But to encourage you, and to explore and learn to trust that the universe has your back, what I can tell you is that from my own personal experience, this is the understanding that has created change in my life. And it’s less measurable, it’s less standard, I guess you could say, it’s less obvious, it’s less culturally accepted, or understood. But this is what has created change for me.
Exploring this understanding, seeing that insight is what creates real change, understanding my perfect design, and learning that my cravings are actually feedback. They’re not a part of me that’s broken, they’re a part of me that is in perfect working order. That has been the thing that has created change.
So on this New Year’s Day, 2024, I just want to wish you an incredibly happy year, I hope that things go really well for you, and that you have so many moments of peace, and joy, and connection, and all those yummy things.
I will be here throughout the year, twice a week as ever, exploring this understanding with you. And I just want to say thank you, thank you for being here. I started the podcast in February 2023. So I’m very close to moving into the second year of the show. And I’ve enjoyed it so much. I just love it. I couldn’t do it unless you were there with me listening. So I appreciate you very much.
Happy New Year to you. Here’s hoping 2024 is just delightful for you. And I will be here again next week talking to you so I will see you then take care. Bye.