This is part 2 of our conversation about whether or not relapse is a thing. In part 1 I left out an important part of the discussion, so this episode addresses the idea that when ‘relapses’ happen we can view the feelings we’re having to help us get back on course.
Listen to Part 1 of this episode here.
- We are always feeling the quality of our thinking
- If we’re having cravings that’s not a problem, it’s a message
- Our human design is kind and is always trying to point us back to the peaceful state of being that is our default
Resources Mentioned in this Episode
- Part 1 on this subject can be found here
Transcript of this episode
Hello explorers and welcome to Q&A Episode 29 of Unbroken. I’m Alexandra Amor.
This is going to actually be part two of the conversation that we had last week on Q&A Episode 28. I went away from that episode and I edited it and did all the stuff that I do to, to get it up on the podcast apps and all those things. And then I realized, Oh, I left out an important part of that conversation.
The subject was, Why is there no such thing as relapse when it comes to an unwanted habit like overeating?
We talked about the elements of that and what I forgot to mention – and that’s what this episode is going to be about – is that when we’re having something that we would call a ‘relapse’ what’s actually happening is that our thinking has sped up.
It’s important to remember that the cravings and the the drive to overeat, that we feel in the moment are messages, they are feedback, they are a mindfulness bell, letting us know that we’re caught up in our thinking.
That’s a really important piece of this conversation about relapsing. So let’s dive in a little deeper to that. Last week, I gave the example of the trip that I was on and the birthday that I had, and the guests that I had, and those were the external events that I felt were interfering with my ability to eat the way that I wanted to.
But when we look a little bit deeper, and it’s so important to remember this, and this is something that traditional diet and healthy eating programs don’t address at all, is the intelligence of what’s going on within us when we experience those feelings, and those cravings. And this was such a pivotal part of this inside-out understanding for me, and it made such a huge difference to my ability to eat well, and to see my the drive to overeat that I experienced resolve itself. Because I didn’t do that.
My overeating resolved itself once I understood how I work and how all human beings work.
Let’s look at the examples that I used of traveling and birthday and guests. When I experienced cravings, and the drive to overeat, during those times, what was really going on, was that those cravings, that feeling, were letting me know that my thinking was a little bit sped up. In the case of having guests, it might be sped up around are the guests having a good time? Do they have everything they need? Have I remembered to ask them were they warm enough the night before? Or did they need another blanket?
That kind of busy thinking that can go on when we’re in a situation maybe that’s unfamiliar, or a little bit charged, or whatever it is. And then the sequence becomes, I find myself feeling a little more permissive with myself about what it is I’m going to eat. I don’t mean that in a in a way that I’m really holding myself on a tight leash normally, but there is a way that I eat now that I really enjoy and appreciate that feels good for me.
What I noticed was thinking that was more along the lines of and I mentioned this last week, treating myself or rewarding myself, and that’s fine. I mean, of course we’re going to treat ourselves and reward ourselves sometimes. But I did notice some discomfort with that feeling as well with those kinds of thoughts. I didn’t really want to be eating in a way that was outside the way that I normally like to eat. And yet I was doing it anyway. I was following the lead of those thoughts about treats and that kind of thing.
That should have twigged me, honestly. I didn’t think of those thoughts and feelings like feedback, even though I teach this stuff until after it had happened. At the time, I just got swept up in what was happening, the busyness here in my home with my guests, and the permissive thought would come in about having a treat or doing whatever. It was like being on a rushing river, I just got swept along with it, oh, that’s a good idea. My friends are on holiday, I’m just going to celebrate with them or whatever it was.
The more we look in this direction, the more we’re able to take a moment and see what’s really going on.
Now, I didn’t in that case, and maybe next time, I will, though. One of the really amazing benefits of sharing here on the podcast is that I get to learn as well, I get to be mindful of what’s going on with me by explaining it to you. And that helps me as well. So just as a little aside, this is it’s great for me to be here as well sharing this.
The bottom line is then that when we experience what we might call a relapse it’s really good to remember that we are so divinely designed, that our design is kind. And it’s not working ever against us. It’s always, always trying to help us and guide us and let us know what’s happening with our thinking.
If I had taken a moment, during those examples that I’ve given you, and stepped back a little bit and realized what was going on, that might have been really helpful to me to see at the time. Now it wasn’t the end of the world. And nobody’s had exploded. It was a moment in time. And now it’s over, and I’m back to eating the way I enjoy eating. And in a way that’s healthy for me.
I think I’ve mentioned I’ve got some arthritis in my knees so there are certain foods that I stay away from. And that’s really helping my knees. And so that’s the way I like to eat. I do love a potato, but I can’t I don’t eat them anymore, because they really bother my arthritis.
So all this is to say that I think it’s just really important to remember and to keep looking back toward how kind our design is.
Our cravings are simply letting us know that we are caught up in our thinking, either in general, or in a specific moment, as I’ve talked about before.
That was the really important piece that I left out last week. And I just wanted to make sure that I mentioned it because it is really important.
I think it’s so important for me to just keep banging this drum because it’s the opposite of the way that we culturally tend to look at these situations.
We think of going off the wagon and relapsing as failures as flaws as things that we’ve done wrong. And then we have to get right again, with ourselves and with whatever is going on with our unwanted habit. And the truth is, none of that is true.
We haven’t failed. I didn’t fail when that situation, those three situations that were going on that I told you about. I’m not a failure. I was a good learning opportunity for me to remember that. My feelings are always, always telling me about the quality of my thinking.
I’m thrilled that I’m able to share that here with you today. And I hope that’s been helpful for you.
If you have a question about this or about any aspect of an unwanted over eating habit that you’ve got, please do let me know. You can go to alexandraamor.com/question and fill in the form there and I will answer your question on a future episode.
Thank you again for being with me here and I will see you next time. Bye.